As a preamble, let me say that going to Giza and Cairo was a
fantastic experience. The generosity and
friendliness of the people seemed authentic and I do not want to disparage
anyone. There are however, certain
things that a westerner might want to know before planning a trip.
Number one: If you require a modicum of normalcy in your
lodging, book with a well known hotel chain.
Otherwise you may forget to turn on the hot water 30 minutes before you
shower; you may not have coffee or tea in your room; you may have to dispose of
toilet paper in the trash can – no flushing; and you may not have sound, smell
or dust proof windows or doors. Camels
are loud and smelly when they wake up at 4 a.m.
Number two: Get a tour guide for Giza, Saqqara and Memphis
and, for that matter, pretty much anywhere you want to go. They know their stuff and they keep the
wolves at bay. By wolves, I mean the
friendly touts, hustlers, “taxi” drivers and others who want to give you a
“gift” or a special deal because “(insert name of your country) is number one!”
When I say tour guide, I mean book one through your hotel, Viator, Trip Advisor,
Get Your Guide, etc, AND read the reviews.
Don’t hire a local guide on the spot; they are not legal or vetted and
although you might get the cool experience you also set yourself up to get
shafted.
Number three: There are no gifts; everything is for sale and
negotiable. Doing it alone could get you
angry or jaded. Everyone has cousins or
best friends in NY, San Francisco, LA or Miami.
Even if somebody writes your name in ink on a papyrus and gives it to
you in honor of “my sister’s wedding” or “your children,” it is NOT a gift; do
not take it or touch it unless you want to buy it. Don’t even smile, just say no and turn your
back. Don’t look back. A smile is a kink in your defenses. No harm, no foul. Or, on the other hand, go ahead and buy
something. Just don’t feel guilty about
walking away, because there’s always a sucker like me right around the
corner. Oh, and “I want to give you my
business card” is code for “I am going to sell you something.”
Number four: Don’t drive.
Police sirens are usually not police.
Nor are blue lights. Pedestrians, beggars with babies, Kleenex and
carnation sellers, and street sweepers walk amid moving traffic at will. Three lanes can accommodate 5 -6 cars abreast
and horns are blowing ALL the time. In Giza, there seems to be no left or right
side of the road; you just drive toward your destination avoiding horses,
donkeys, small children, tuktuks, trucks, camels, old ladies, oncoming cars,
potholes, and ditches. Be prepared to swerve
across the median when the road you are on ends. “On-ramps” can be embankments
that people use because there is no on-ramp.
It’s scary enough to ride, but I wouldn’t even try to drive. Hire a driver.
Number five: Definitely, definitely go to the Egyptian
museum but expect to it to be more like “The Mummy” with Brendan Fraser and
less like the Tate or Smithsonian. The
exhibits feel very old world with many pieces not labeled and others with a
typewriter (that’s what we used before computers) written piece of paper
scotch-taped on the glass or a wall.
Some, oddly enough, have well written and professional descriptions of
the artifacts. Supposedly there is an
audio guide available but I didn’t see it and when I asked, the guy at the door
said, “No” and waved his hand at me to move.
The TUT exhibit on the second floor is much smaller than I imagined but
it is still very awesome to see. No
guide needed. Plenty of “guides” will
offer their assistance, though.
Number six: Consider getting T shirts before you go that
read لا شكرا which is “la shukran” or “no thanks” in
Arabic. My suggestion is mostly
tongue-in-cheek, but it could helpful after you lose your voice saying it
loudly and often.
Number seven: Don’t talk politics. The memory of the Arab Spring is fresh and
raw as is the death toll and mayhem on the now beautiful Tahrir Square. Change the subject if someone brings up
Obama, Trump, or Hilary. There is great
diversity of opinion on all three names…
Stay clear. This should also
topics like Iran, Brexit and Macron.
Number eight: Don’t go when Ramadan is in the
summertime. No food or water between
sunrise and sunset makes people very tired and a little irritable. They say, “We are used to it” and maybe they
are, but that doesn’t change the effect on the human body, which is evident to
me, the guy who discreetly drank water and ate snacks. Many sites close at 3 p.m. which is a welcome
reprieve when Ramadan occurs in the summer and people fast from 5 a.m. til 7
p.m. It makes for a v e r
y l o
n g day without sustenance.
Number nine: You’ll see stuff happening but don’t get
involved unless you have to. I did get
involved once for noble cause and I have the boy’s face etched into my
brain. In Cairo, I watched a boy get
laid into with a stick, and a lady get dragged across the street by a man,
kicking and screaming. Others came to
evaluate the situation, but I mind my own business. I watched armored police vans racing down the
street with people in hot pursuit. I
averted my eyes and went home. Unless
you are fluent in Arabic and local culture, don’t try to save the world just
because your western sensibilities get tweaked, and they will. You probably don’t have the answers anyway.
Number ten: Try Egyptian traditional cuisine and take it
from the guy whose third day (and 4 days after the trip) was spent close to the
toilet, if it smells funny or tastes funny, follow your instincts and leave it
alone. I did not, because I am an
experimenter; a habit I am contemplating breaking. I got a lot of reading done and achieved a
new high score on Wood Block Puzzle though, so maybe it was not all bad.
Number 11: Don’t expect Giza or Memphis to be tourist resort
areas. They are not. The area is very depressed. If you like a nice clean vacation with pretty
quaint villages, this is not going to sit well with you.
Go to Egypt. Have a
good time. But remember, you’re not in
Kansas anymore, Dorothy.
TRAFFIC IN CAIRO
